Well, guys and gals, since I wrote last, it's been three months of "hell in the hallway." I use that expression not because everyday/event/revelation has been painful or hard, but I was realizing then what I now know...I'm in between two doors that each represent different life realities. That leaves me standing in the hallway, out of my now "past" life, hand on the doorknob of the new one. Not much view yet. And, as it is a widely uncomfortable place for the ever-wanting-to-know-and control ego to be, it's hell in the hallway!
I've accepted the reality that my/our lives were meant to change, that we move forward with much less financial resources, and uncertainty about every aspect of our lifestyle. I've gained cool new work (professional speaking finally!) and broken some old patterns. But the pressure I put on myself has been tremendous and this morning something finally broke open. I'm not sure how it happened, but it sure inspired me to write!
For one, I had a dream about our dream. OK, mostly my husband's dream...the Catamaran. The desire for the realization of this dream propelled me into a fog from which I made choices I still don't fully understand. But that's a different subject for another day. In my dream, Lance handed me what looked like a folded up tent. I was holding it in my hands and asking him, "what is this?" And he said, "it's our boat." Of course, I thought he was nuts! Then he pulled a string that was hanging off the left side and the package propelled out of my hands and began opening, expanding and morphing into this huge Catamaran. As I backed away, stunned, Lance offered his hand to me and we walked aboard. At first soft, like a balloon or inflatable dingy would be, the inside got more and more solid, eventually turning to wood. I walked through the hulls, opening doors that led to huge staterooms, heads (bathrooms)....even a piano in the galley! My sister in law Tena was there and kept commenting on how beautiful it was and how lucky we were to live there. I was thrilled for both Lance and I. The dream ended while I was thinking about how we could pull a string and the entire boat, furniture and all, would go back quickly to a package I could hold in my hands!!!
As I mulled this dream over and headed out for my morning walk, two coyotes were crossing the pool parking lot less than 50 yards in front of me. They were not the skinny, hard on your luck coyotes I normally see in Tucson. Full on hardy and healthy, I gasped when I saw them and the one taking up the rear turned around to look at me. He paused, even as his partner sprinted ahead and stared at me and I felt there was a message in that stare, in that encounter. In the animal symbol world, the coyote means trickster/insight/playful and the concept of duality..seeing both sides of a situation. Somehow this makes complete sense to me, and I can't yet totally explain why. That seems to be the way of much in life right now and I am learning to be OK with it. I just won't know what it all means. I'll go day to day and deal with what's in front of me because plans live in the coyote world....they are a joke, a trick. And yet, I realized I'm taking it all too, too seriously. Enough for now...thanks for listening!
Love, Linda